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There was a young woman
from Wheeling Who claimed to lack sexual feeling Til a dyke named Delores Simply touched her clitoris And she had to be scraped from the ceiling
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| Ellen was
being harassed on stage by a man in the audience.
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“A woman goes to the gynecologist, and upon examination, the doctor says, 'Why, it's immaculate in here! What do you do to keep yourself so hygienic?' The woman responds, 'I have a woman in twice a week.” |
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A guy walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. He says, "Can I buy you a drink?" She replies, "Yes, but it won't do you any good." Later he asks, "May I buy you another drink?" "Yes," she responds, "but it won't do you any good." After a few drinks, he decides to ask her to his apartment. Again, she replies, "Yes, but it won't do you any good." In his apartment he turns to her and says, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I want you for my wife." "Ohhhhh, THAT'S different !! Bring her out!!!"
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Top 10 Things
Heterosexuals Need to Know About Gay People
10. We didn't invent disco music so stop blaming us. 9. We're not sure about Ricky Martin either. 8. We also didn't invent the colour black, but we are in complete agreement that you look better in it. 7. We are secretly glad Anne Heche is back on your team. She scares us. 6. Our so-called "gaydar" does not get us more cable stations or better reception. 5. We think your mini-vans are sooo cute! 4. David Crosby was not Melissa Etheridge's only choice. 3. If he's using two or more hair products at any one time - yes, he is. 2. If she's won Wimbledon 16 times, she is too. And, the number one thing that heterosexuals need to know about gay people is... 1. Relax, we don't want you!
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Jamie invited her mother over to her house for dinner. Over the course of the evening, Jamie's mom started to wonder if there was more between Jamie and her roommate than met the eye. She had long been suspicious of her daughter's sexuality and watching them interact made her more curious. Reading her mom's thoughts, Jamie volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sandy and I are just roommates." About a week later, Sandy came to Jamie and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find my favorite gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Jamie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So she sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, Jamie received a letter from her mother which read: "Dear Daughter, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sandy, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sandy. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now."
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An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
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A woman walks into her doctor’s office and says “Doctor, I have this terrible rash.” She lifts up her sweater to reveal a large ‘M’ shaped rash. The doctor replies, “Now that is the strangest rash I’ve ever seen.” The woman explains, “Well my boyfriend goes to Michigan and refuses to take off his letter sweater when we make love.” The doctor shrugs her shoulders, prescribes some lotion and sends the woman on her way. The next day another woman comes in with a very similar rash. “How did you get that?” the doctor asks. “My boyfriend goes to MIT and he refuses to take his letter sweater off when we make love,” she says. The doctor prescribes some lotion and sends the young lady on her way. The third day another young woman comes into the doctor’s office and she too has a big rash in the shape of an ‘M’ on her chest. “Let me guess,” the doctor says. “Your boyfriend goes to Maryland?” “No,” the patient replies, “My girlfriend goes to Wellesley.”
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